Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Ruta 40


Perito Moreno, Argentina

The next morning we wake up very early to take off for Perito Moreno It's a long drive up the old Ruta 40. Ruta 40 is Argentina’s Route 66. It’s a long highway (perhaps an ambitious word) that stretches the length of western Argentina. On our last trip I had forgotten something important in Barriloche and ended up hitchhiking for about 3 days trying to catch up to the truck as there are no buses that transverse the mainly unpaved portion of the old Ruta 40. Not only were there no buses, but very little traffic in general. So little in fact that I stopped hitchhiking and started just standing in front of whatever vehicle was trying to pass by. They didn’t have to give me a ride, but they at least had to tell me why.

We finally make it up to the small town of Perito Moreno, where we have dinner and stay in the little cabin like shelters there. That night, for some reason, Kate, Naomi, Andy, Leigh and I decide to go out in search of some trouble. We end up playing pool until stupid o’clock and get back late.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Ice Trekking


El Chalten, Argentina

The crew is off today on the ice trek, except for Alison, Martin, Neal, Rachel and myself. The ice trek involves about a three hour hike up to a little river where you have put a harness on, attach yourself to a cable and pull yourself across. Then they hike another hour or so along the glacier fed lake until they reach the glacier itself. That’s where they put on

Leigh, the intrepid Scottish ice climber

crampons and walk on the glacier for another hour, hopping over crevasses, until they reach an ice wall. There they have a chance to try out ice climbing on the 25 foot wall, before making they’re way back.

It’s a long day, but everybody seemed to enjoy themselves. Apparently, everybody made it up the ice wall. The star of the day, surprisingly is Naomi, who apparently flew up the ice wall and is starting to really enjoy this whole outdoors thing. The only scary bit was when my Dad took a bit of a spill, but he bounced up and despite a couple of bumps and bruises, was all right. I spend most of the day in the microbrewery with Martin, Neal and Rachel.

That evening there is a big celebration in the town gym. They have a couple bands playing, so Andy and I work our way down there for a bit. Andy tired out pretty quickly, so we headed back early.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Farther North

El Chalten, Argentina

Continuing north we head up to El Chalten which is on the outskirts of Fitzroy national park. Like Torres del Paine, Fitzroy has it’s share of craggy granite peaks and glacier fed lakes. Tomorrow almost everybody will be heading out on the Ice trekking. I want to go, but unfortunately, I can’t find shoes that will fit me and as much of the day is spent on a glacier, I can’t exactly do it in flops. Luckily, the town has one of S.A.’s only microbreweries so at least I’ll have something to do

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Big Blue


Calafate, Argentina

We get up early this morning and pile onto a bus to go out to the Perito Moreno glacier. It’s a giant blue

Neil and Martin in front of the glacier

glacier that has giant chunks of ice that constantly are calving off of it. It’s one of my favorite things to see. On the way out to the glacier, our local guide Veronica tells us about how glaciers work and different flora and fauna that we might see along the way. Nobody can understand her accent, but for some reason I find it endearing.

When I woke up it looked to be fairly sunny. My dad had brought me nice Merrell hiking shoes for my Christmas present, but unfortunately, I managed to lose them in Torres del Paine, so now I was forced to decide to wear my flip flops or dress shoes. I opt for the flops, but immediately regret my decision as the wind and clouds close in on our way out there. By the time we get to the park it’s freezing, there’s occasional rain and lots of wind. All day I have to deal with people staring at my feet in wonderment.

The glacier rests on a lake that has a narrow peninsula that reaches right out to it and creates two different faces of it. On the peninsula they have boardwalks so you can see it at different angles. Occasionally the glacier will reach out and touch the peninsula, bisecting the lake into two, until one of the side’s water levels will rise up sometimes 15 feet. Eventually the resulting pressure will melt through the ice creating an enormous ice bridge which in turn will collapse from the pressure of the glacier. The face that we visit is about 150 feet tall and maybe 2 kilometers long. The very outside of the glacier is white, but in the cracks and crevices it’s a deep blue.

We take a boat out near the face and it runs us up and down the length of it. Our hope is to get a good video or picture of a massive chunk of ice calving off making a big splash and triumphant roar. On the boat nothing much happens, but on a little hike out on the peninsula, a huge chunk actually calves off under water and rises up from the water. Once the ice hit the warmer air, the whole thing actually shattered and pretty much made everybody’s day. I was able to get it on video, though from fairly far away. Damon I think got the best video.

That evening when we got back, we celebrated Rachel’s birthday at a pretty cool Irish bar and pizza place. Afterwards, we tried to find somewhere to hang out, but ended up back at the hostel went to bed fairly early.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Back to Argy

Calafate, Argentina

Today we go on back over into Argentina. We have a pretty easy drive up to Calafate, where to everybody’s relief we stay in a hostel. I have my own room and my own shower for the first time since Buenos Aires. Calafate is a small town that is the springboard to the Perito Moreno glacier, another highlight of Patagonia. That night we have a steak dinner at the hostel and go to bed fairly early.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Just Don't Crash


Torres del Paine

This is our last full day in Torres and I’m a little nervous because today is the day that I get to drive Doris. The group is going on a catamaran trip to the other side of Lake Pehoe, where they’ll get dropped off and they’ll walk up to where they can see the Grey Glacier. There they’ll jump on another boat that will take them back to the hotel where the kayaking was yesterday. Steve wants to go, so I’m stuck with trying not to crash Doris into anything.

I drop them off at 12 noon and then drive Doris (very carefully) down to a little hotel that has internet (the campsite office one is down). The parking lot is pretty small and Doris is a beast, so turning it around is a bit complicated, but I eventually figure it out. After using the internet I drive back to the campsite and have a leisurely day doing accounts and writing in this journal.

That evening I have to drive it 40 minutes up the road to the hotel to pick up the kids. It’s a bit nerve racking, but I make it only stalling it once. The group comes in tired and cold, but it sounds like they had a good day. We cook a quick dinner and slope off to bed early.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Kayaks and Shooting Stars

Torres del Paine

Today is mainly a free day, but there is one optional excursion and that is kayaking on Gray Lake and looking at icebergs that have calved off of the Grey glacier. It sounds pretty cool, but I’ve never had anybody do this tour. Today, my Dad and Kath have signed up for it. We’re supposed to take them out to a hotel about 40 minutes from the campground and meet the guide at ten. The guide doesn’t show up until 10:30, which is the first in a series of things that annoy me. Because the wind is up it’s probably not possible to make it out to the glaciers, but he’s not sure yet. He asks us to wait around until he can make the decision if it’s possible. If it’s not possible, we should meet them at a different place, as they’ll be kayaking down a slow river, rather than the lake. We end up waiting for over an hour and a half before he finally tells me to meet them at the river spot. So, by now, it’s too late to even go back to the campsite, so we go on down to the meeting spot and just wait another hour and a half for them to get there. When they arrive, not having seen any glaciers and spent 80 dollars on a slow river cruise in a kayak, I’m doubly annoyed. Fortunately, I’m able to convince the guide to give them half of their money back.

That evening after dinner, Neil, Claire and I climb up to the top of the truck to do some star watching. The sky is perfectly clear and the stars are incredible. Neil sees his first shooting star and we sing songs along to the music playing on the truck.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

I Still Hate Horseback Riding


Torres del Paine

Today the activity is horseback riding. I hate horseback riding and usually don’t do it, but

Naomi and Neil on horseback

everybody who does this one comes back raving about it and as it’s my last trip etc. So off we go in Doris out to the horseback riding ranch and we’re all fitted out with beautiful Patagonian horses and go clip clopping along. The scenery is spectacular and for the first time, I find a horse that will actually do what I tell it to. Usually, horse and I don’t get along, but this horse is easy to ride, if not very comfortable. So I enjoy it except for the trotting that comes between the gallop and the walk. I’m not crazy about that part. We are lead by a beret wearing Chilean gaucho and his brother and no matter how good I feel about my performance on the horse, they make it look easy.

As fun as it was, when it’s over I formally announce my retirement from horseback riding. I’m very sore. Steve and Sail from Tucan have a group here and they’re camping in the same campground but at a site much more swish than ours. Tucan is the higher rolling tour, so they have tents that are all set up for them and a giant tent just for hanging out. Anyway, they’re having a wine and cheese party, so Steve and I decide to crash it. Steve is the tour guide and he started about the same time I did. For some reason, we always seem to run into each other. He started about the same time I did and seems to always work around the same places I do. There are some tour guides that I’ve heard about for a year and a half, but never run into. Sail’s the driver and has been around forever. He’s probably about 50 or so and knows more about overlanding than almost anybody. So we hang out a bit, before I head back over to my group and sit around the fire until going to bed.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

The Towers


Torres del Paine, Chile

Today is the towers walk. The towers are three granite spires that stick straight up in the air

The Towers

like three naked fingers. As to be expected, there are a few casualties today. Naomi and Kate (who I’ve taken to referring to as the girls) both have nasty blisters and won’t be going anywhere, Martin and Neil are possibly still drunk, but get on the truck anyway and Rachel never even makes it out of her tent.

This morning I ask Neil if he’s changed his mind yet about getting married on top of a volcano and he still seems positive about it, though I think that the wheels of common sense are starting to turn.

We get to the start of the hike and in less than ten minutes Neil and Martin have already turned back, as they’re hangovers are already kicking in. Usually in these walks, I walk at the back with the slower walkers to make sure everybody is coming along nicely, but as Steve wants to walk with Kyanne anyway, he volunteers for the duty and I power on. The beginning part is pretty tough uphill and it discourages the casual walker. I’ve done it a few times though and know what to expect, which makes it a lot easier, though I’m still left in the dust by Damon and Kristy who are both in great shape. Once I get to the top of the first hard part, I set a slow and even pace which maintained I know will bring me to the top in no time. But along comes Claire skipping down the trail and a much more furious pace and I decide to join her. The middle part of the trail is pretty cruisy, nice rolling ups and downs, but nothing to tough. We walk through beautiful forests along a rushing river. The last part is the hard part. We have to pick our way up a boulder field for about an hour until we finally come to a look out over small lake at the base of the towers. It’s stunning and we’re lucky because it’s a perfect day and the towers are completely visible. Last time I was here, they were ducking in and out of clouds the whole time.

We sit on a boulder, eat lunch and stare at the glories that are the towers, waiting for the others. Andy makes it up a few minutes after we do and Kristy and Damon have been up here for awhile. I want to wait until my Dad makes it up, but unfortunately I didn’t bring a spare shirt to change into and the wind is starting to make me pretty cold. I wait for an hour or so, but decide to head down with Andy and Claire when they go. I run into my Dad along with Steve and Kyanne about half way down the boulder section. He’s coming along slowly but surely. Towards the end of the hike Kristy and Damon catch us and I end up walking along with Damon and Claire with Kristy, until Damon and I realize that they’re pretty far ahead and probably have decided that we’re racing. That won’t do, so we take off running down the trail and eventually catch them, almost killing ourselves in the process. Finally we roll into the small restaurant, exhausted and happy.

That night Neil breaks the news that he wants to get married with Rachel, just the two of them at some unspecified date, breaking Kristy’s heart, who was really looking forward to it, more than I think even Rachel was.

Monday, February 19, 2007

That's Reverand Michael Moe to You!


Torres del Paine, Chile

Torres del Paine is one of the most stunning national parks in the world. Its turquoise glacier fed lakes are

Los Cuernos tower over Leigh, Kyanne and Andy

looked down upon by drastic granite peaks. We camp on one of these beautiful lakes and the peaks that rise above, so close we feel like we can touch them, are Los Cuernos or the horns. It’s an incredible sight and one that I don’t think I could ever get tired of. We’re in the park for 5 days and we’ll be hiking, glacier glancing and horseback riding every day.

Today, on the way into the park, we get dropped off by Steve for our first hike. It’s only a short 4 hour, 12 Km hike that’s fairly flat. It’s a good starter for the pax and it lets me know where people are at.

About 20 minutes into it, I find out where Kate and Naomi are at. They’re already complaining of blisters. At first, I think that it’s their shoes, but then when I take a closer look at Kate’s feet, I see a little elephant peeking out at me. She’s wearing pajama socks! Heavy, loose knit pajama socks with a little furry elephant sowed on. No wonder she has blisters. I ask Naomi if her problem is the same and she shakes her head no and says that it definitely can’t be her socks, because she especially bought her socks for hiking. I’m dubious and I pull up her pant leg. Yep, she also has loose knit socks. Of course, these girls are English and have never gone hiking before in their lives, but damn.

So I stay with the girls, and let everybody else go ahead. The girls actually do pretty well for what they’re wearing, and don’t complain too much. Luckily, it’s not that difficult of a hike and we don’t fall too far behind. The beginning of the hike curls along a lake and then the trail goes up through a cool little gully and zigzags through scraggly, gnarled trees. Finally at the end, the view opens up and you see gorgeous Caribbean blue lakes and rivers and those famous granite peaks.

When we reach the end, Steve and Doris are there waiting for us and we cruise into the campsite 5 kms up the road. On a nice day, like today, this campsite has the best view of any campsite I’ve ever seen. It’s situated right on one of the lakes and just under Los Cuernos. It’s like looking at a masterpiece painting that constantly changes according to the weather and time of day.

We set up our tents, mostly in the woods as to block the wind, have dinner (another awesome spit by Steve) and then sit around the fire having beverages. Neil and Rachel are our fiancee couple on the trip and they decide, spontaneously that they want to get married in Machu Pichu and, if possible, have me officiate it. Well, of course, this won’t do, because a few of the girls who are on the trip won’t be there. So the plan eventually morphs into getting married on top of Mt. Villarica, a volcano in Chile that we’ll be climbing in a week or so. So, now the question is can I get ordained officially in Chile on the internet. According the Simpsons, it’s easy. So, I run over to the campsite office that happens to have internet, though I’m rarely allowed to use it, and ask if I can look something up. It turns out that it’s easy to get ordained over the internet. After five minutes on the net I was able to print out an official certificate of ordination from the Church of Universal Life (or something like that). Yep just call me Rev. Michael Moe. Unfortunately, I look at the small print and it turns out that I’m only allowed to perform marriages in certain states, and that it’s a bit harder to get officially licensed in Chile. Anyway, I walk back to the campsite, and everybody is significantly impressed, if not a little bit frightened at how easy it is. Unfortunately, I now realize how drunk these two are and start to think that they’ll probably change their minds tomorrow. Oh well, at least I’m a Reverend.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Stupid Penguins


Puerto Natales, Chile

This morning we cross back over into Chile, take the ferry back over the Strait of Magellan and head west. We take a dusty bumpy road out to see a penguin colony, a trip that gets on Steve’s nerves to no end. The road is hard on the truck

A stupid penguin

and the excursion pointless unless you really happen to love penguins (which a couple of our pax do).

At the park we see another Tucan truck, so while the pax are ogling waddling fauna, we sit and chat. After the pax are done we head north eventually coming into Puerto Natales, a small town about 2 hours from Torres del Paine national park. We set up camp and cook dinner. Afterwards, my Dad, Leigh, Andy, Steve and I go shoot some pool. We find the most difficult table in South America to play on and the first game last 45 minutes. I decide that I’ve had enough pool for this decade and go back and go to sleep.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Snow Falling on the Aussies


Ushuaia, Argentina

Today is our last day in Ushuaia. This morning a bunch of the pax went up to the chairlift at the ski

Kristi and Damon seeing snow for the first time

resort. At the top of the chairlift they were able to do some hiking up to a glacier and on the way it started snowing. To you and I, this wouldn’t have been a big deal, but for Kristie and Damon, from Australia, it was the first time they had ever seen snow (or at least, “snow falling from the sky” in Kristie’s words”. So, when they came back they were really excited. These two are a really great couple. They’re always positive and ready to help anybody out at any time. Unfortunately, they’re leaving in Santiago. It would have been nice to have them around when the new passengers come on.

That evening we head back to Rio Grande to give us a head start on going up to Torres del Paine. We cook dinner and then Claire, my Dad and I head out to go bowling and play more pool. I finally break my losing streak and win bowling and pool.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Ushuaia


Ushuaia, Argentina

Most the pax take off this morning to do some hiking in the nearby National Park, including my

From left: Leigh, Dad, Naomi, Me, Kate, Damon

Dad. So far it’s been good to have him on tour. I feel bad because I haven’t spent that much time with him, but I think that he’s enjoying himself and is getting a real sense of what I do. I can explain it to people at home, but like anything else, you can really know what it is until you experience it yourself.

I like the campground here because there’s a nice big common room attached to the kitchen and dorm rooms with a T.V. and internet in it. It’s so infrequent that I watch TV down here that when I do have one I pretty much just park in front of it when I’m not busy. Claire, Kyanne and I watch a couple of movies.

That afternoon I do some accounting, but for the most part, it’s a pretty lazy afternoon. That night I’ve arranged for the family to hook us up with a parrilla, so there’s no cooking to do. I have a nice nap so I’ll be ready for the night. The BBQ is awesome, like I knew that it would be and we linger around drinking wine until 11pm. Somehow this group has never gone out dancing together, mainly because the dance clubs don’t open until 2am, so tonight I don’t want to go out until late, so we’re not just hanging out somewhere for 5 hours waiting for a club to open up. The good thing is that because we’re so far south it doesn’t get dark until 10:30 at night, so it feels much earlier.

After a couple of drinks, we head down to the dance club.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Little Toe of the World


Ushuaia, Argentina

I woke up early the next morning. Luckily, the hangover from the night before hadn’t hit yet. I made

Two characters: Tom (left) and Neil (right)

bacon, egg and cheese sandwiches and mixed champagne and OJ for mimosas. This definitely seemed to make up for the shit dinner from last night and everybody seemed appreciative.

C

After breky, we all jump on Doris and take off for Ushuaia, the southern most city in the world. Once again I sprawl out across the last row and sleep most of the way. About an hour and a half outside of Ushuaia, the scenery finally starts to change and the pax finally have some mountains, trees and lakes to look at. We stop at a gas station where my favorite dog in S.A. lives. He’s a huge cross between a St. Bernard and I think a Newfoundland. Anyway, the dog is like 140 pounds and only 7 months old. It’s a bit scary, especially since last time I started playing a little rough with him and his little puppy bite went through my sweatshirt and broke skin. So this time I’m a little bit more careful.

In Ushuaia we stay at the Rugby Club campground. It’s called that because there’s a rugby club next door with a couple of fields that have very large men pummeling each other and chasing around a funny-shaped white ball.

Typically, Ushuaia is kind of a place of rest for me. My two trips previous I had come to Ushuaia directly from Torres del Paine where the passengers hike nearly every day. So by the time they get to Ushuaia, they’re pretty much worn out. This time is different. They’ve all been cooped up on the truck for the last few days and are keen to do some hiking and activities, especially Kristy and Damon. They are our go to bed early (not all the time) get up early and do some exercise passengers.

Once we get there, the pax get on putting the cook tent up and our crates of food out and I go and talk to who I call Mama. She and her husband run the camp and have an absolutely lovely family. There have three giant sons who help run the camp when they’re not playing rugby or studying in Buenos Aires and there always seems to be at least one grandchild around. This time it’s Faustio, an absolute chunk of a baby. He’s eight months old and weighs about as much as the St. Bernard at the gas station. I think that they’re trying to field their own rugby team.

After everything is out of Doris and we establish who is camping and who is staying in the two dorm rooms available (Steve and I have the third), I go shopping with Neal and Rachel. When I first met the couple I instantly liked Neal. Now Rachel is starting to grow on me as well. She’s a fiery Irish girl and at first, I was a little intimidated. Anyway, off we go to the supermarket and Neal and Rachel have had an excellent idea for dinner. It’s not often that we have an oven, like there is in the kitchen of the campground, so they suggest making pizzas, which I think is a grand idea. I don’t think that they realize how much work it’ll be (as I, ahem, was a trained professional at Godfathers Pizza no exactly how much work it’ll be) but whatever it’ll still be fun.

Afterwards, I head into town to the tourist office to check out some activities. There is a boat tour of the beagle channel, but I did it last time and wasn’t that impressed. Everything that they see there they have already seen on the Valdez Peninsula tour. So, I find a couple of hikes and a gondola tour up to see a glacier for them. That’ll give them some exercise.

That night after the outstanding pizzas (they were a bit of work), I take some of the boys out to the Irish bars. Everybody else is pretty tired and as the next night is Friday night they’re all waiting for then. There are two Irish bars and they are the two most southern Irish bars in the world (oooohh, ahhhh). At least at these Irish bars they try a little harder. They have the appropriate artwork and they sell really expensive Guinness. The only remarkable thing that happens tonight is that Martin and I beat Andy and Leigh at pool 4 games to 2.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

A Valentine's Day Bet



The next morning we pile back on to the truck at 6 am and start the long journey down to Tierra del Fuego. It’s long and boring. I

Claire on the left and Naomi on the right

come up with a trivia game to occupy the time, but it still drags on. The first night we camp in a little nothing coastal town named San Julian. The last time we came through here Steve decided that he wanted to drive all night, so we didn’t stop here and it had been a year and a bit since I had been here. I can’t say that I missed it. The campsite’s all right though. Plenty of room, trees that protect the sites from the wind and good showers (that’s all it takes). The next day is a little bit more interesting because we cross over the border into Chile, take the ferry across the Strait of Magellan and cross back over into Argentina.

That night we stay in what I call the yacht club. I don’t know why it’s called that. The only boats that are evident are kayaks that hang over the main room and I’ve never seen them go anywhere. Maybe it’s supposed to be facetious and I just hadn’t got it. The good thing is that we don’t have to put up tents. They have a large room upstairs with wooden floors where everybody can just throw down their roll mats and sleeping bags and down on the first floor is a serviceable kitchen that we’re allowed to use.

However, because we had to cross a couple of borders that don’t allow meat and veg across, we don’t have anything to cook for dinner, so we go out. The last time that we were here we went out to a nice restaurant, but it turned out to be a bit expensive and they mucked up our bill so badly that I vowed never to go back. So I asked the guy who runs yacht club for a suggestion. He told me that there was a nice little place down the street that has a good cheap buffet with a parrilla (a BBQ). I think excellent, that’s just what we need. I’ve never seen a bad Argy parrilla. As the pax go to dinner I run up to the supermarket. I decide that after basically a week on Doris they need a little morale boost, so I buy all the fixings for a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich breakfast and some champagne and OJ for mimosas.

When I join the pax I find that dinner’s a little bit of a disaster. The buffet is horrible and even the meat from the parrilla’s cold. One of the difficult parts of my job is that no matter what happens or who’s actually responsible, if something goes wrong it’s my fault. Not that anybody was outwardly blaming me, but I felt bad for it. Luckily, I was able to announce that the next morning we would have a sleep in and a champagne breakfast.

That night, after being stuck on the truck for a few days, the kids were anxious to go out a bit on the town. I seemed to remember that once when I was here I passed what claimed to be an Irish bar, and as I have two very ardent Irish people on board, I thought we would go check it out. The problem with Irish bars in S.A. is that 90% of the time the only things Irish about an Irish bar is the fact that it says Irish bar on the outside, has a name that starts with a O’ or Mc and maybe has a Guinness poster hanging up somewhere and if, by chance, they have a bottle of Guinness or two for sale they’ll cost as much as a full Irish soccer team. This is one of those bars, but fortunately there’s a (surprise) pool and bowling place next door.

After playing a couple of games of pool on the ground floor, I decide to go upstairs and check out the bowling. S.A. has some weird bowling alleys and this is shining example. The balls are a size between a large grapefruit and a small volley ball. There are no holes and though the lanes are normal size, the pins are also miniature.

I run back downstairs and grab Claire. We play a game and, of course, she beats me by about three points.

Happy Valentine’s Day

Monday, February 12, 2007

The Valdez Peninsula


Puerto Madryn, Argentina

This morning we get up early and pile back onto Doris to do the Valdez Peninsula tour. The

The Group with Doris. Try and pick out which one is my Dad.

Valdez Peninsula is famous for its marine wildlife. It’s a breeding ground for elephant seals, sea lions and penguins. If you come at the right time a year it’s also a great place for whale watching. The first time I came here we had a southern right whale and its calf swim right under our boat. Unfortunately, it’s not the right time of year, so there are no whales or boats.

Except for the wildlife, the island is pretty boring and we spend a long time in Doris. The one thing that makes this tour is the local tour guide, Maria. She’s traveled the world, talked her way on to archeology sites, is married to a paleontologist, knows absolutely everything about the peninsula and is a hero to every girl that’s ever taken her tour. She has a non-stop patter that weaves in and out of her own life and interesting things about the peninsula. The pax come away feeling like they just had a long conversation with somebody interesting and eventually realize that they’ve learned a lot along the way.

Fun fact: An elephant seal can dive down 1500 meters. That’s 1 and a half kilometers and over a mile down.

That night, yet again we play some pool and yet again I lose.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

I Can't WIn Anything


Puerto Madryn, Argentina

6:00 am We’re up and off heading south. I’m a little hung over and very thankful

Leigh sleeping off his hangover

that there are only 14 people on the truck at the moment, so I can sprawl out over the last row of seats and sleep.

That night we camp at a really dodgy little campsite north of the Rio Colorado. The Rio Colorado is the official start of Patagonia and we get stopped by officials for at a meat and veggie check. As we have fruit and veggies for that night’s dinner and hadn’t properly hid them, they took them. As a result, we end up having to find a campsite there.

The next morning (with the rest of our meat and veggies properly stowed) we take off for Puerto Madryn. It’s another long boring drive day. The landscape here is flat and featureless except for sage brush and the occasional rhea (like an ostrich) or guanaco (like a llama).

Puerto Madryn is one of Argentina’s few beach towns. As a result even though the beach isn’t really much to look at, it’s crowded in the summertime (which it is now down here). I have a little bit of a panic attack when I realize that it’s a summer weekend. The campground that we stay at is huge and I don’t bother making reservations there, but I realize that I should’ve. Luckily, there’s still room now, though it’ll be full later that evening.

That night we go out and play more pool. I’ve lost to just about everybody at this point and being the person I am, I suggest it every chance I get. I know that eventually the tables will turn and I’ll redeem myself. Not tonight. This time I try the “if you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em strategy” and team up with Claire to take on Andy and Leigh. Even though we have no business doing so, we lose 7 games to 1.

Maybe I’ll take up bowling.

Friday, February 9, 2007

I meet an Aussie soap star


Buenos Aires, Argentina

In the morning I check my email and I find that a Kiwi girl that I hung out with for a couple of

Martin, Leigh, me and some random out on the town

days in Montañita a couple of years ago has emailed and is wondering what I’m up to. It just so happens that she living in Buenos Aires. So I arrange to meet her that night. I figure if anybody knows what’s going on tonight, it’ll be somebody who’s living here. Afterward I do a bit more macroing and copying, getting my city sheets ready for the next section. Every big town we come into I hand out a little packet with a map and info about things to do, places to eat, internet, post office, etc.

After I’m done I decide to go see a movie. My dad and most of the pax have taken off down to Boca. Once in awhile it’s nice to get away from everybody and do something on my own.

That evening only Leigh, Andy and I go out to meet the Kiwi girl. We meet her, her boyfriend and a couple of her friends at a funky bar named Congo in Palermo. The Kiwi girl and her boyfriend end up leaving early on and we were left with the 2 friends. One is some sort of executive for a large dairy company and lives in B.A. The other one is an Aussie named Suzy, who is an actor and was in a popular Aussie soap named Home and Away for 4 or 5 years. I find out the next day from the Aussie girls on my trip that this is a big deal and they chastise me for not finding out which character she played or anything.

Anyway, we decide to move on and it just so happens that a girl that Andy hooked up with a couple of nights before is hanging out in a bar only a couple of blocks away, so he subtly directs us in that direction. It’s a cool bar, but very crowded and after awhile the girls take off and just a little later Leigh and I decide to go find our own fun.

As we step out of the bar we decide to find somewhere to get a tequila shot. Just a couple of steps down the street we run into another bar. It has a big sign outside and as I look at the specials it occurs to me that somewhere I’ve heard of this bar and then I look up and I recognize the door man.

He sees me and says, “Mike! You came…Come, come.” He puts his arm around my shoulders and directs us in to the bar and orders us two tequilas. It’s not for 10 or 15 minutes that I finally figure out that it’s the taxi driver from last night. Of all of the 1000’s of bars in B.A., I randomly walk into a bar that fulfills my drunken empty promise from last night.

By the time he gets done filling us with tequila, I’m spent and we end up calling it a night.

Thursday, February 8, 2007

Father Figure

Buenos Aires, Argentina

Oh shit. Dad comes in today and I’m not sure how he’s going to like it. There’ll be a lot of young people with their bad language, drinking and carrying on. Though this might be my most chill group that I’ve ever had, I’m not sure he knows what he’s getting himself into. Anyway, it’ll be interesting.

He’s flying in around 10:00 am and so I wait around in the small café of the hotel. He gets here late as he took a bus into town as a taxi would take up almost ¾ of his daily budget. We go out to lunch and have a little reunion. It’s good to see him and he looks well. Over pasta and salad we catch up, and then I give little tour of the area and take him back to the hotel. He’s been traveling all night and is pretty tired. The other thing that came with Dad is a big bag of stuff mainly sent by my Mom. Down here, I’m always scrounging for books. I’ve read everything on the truck and I’ve asked her to send some down and she’s come through. In the bag is about 40 books, underwear, shorts and some Merrell shoes that are my Dad’s Christmas gift to me. Pretty exciting if you’re me.

That afternoon we head down to the main plaza of B.A., the plaza de Mayo. As its Thursday the mothers of plaza de Mayo are marching and my pax want to check it out. Back in the late 70’s and early 80’s thousands of people “disappeared” due to political disagreements. Basically if you disagreed or were suspected of disagreeing with the government you disappeared. The mothers of plaza de Mayo get together every week and march around the plaza which happens to be in front of the Casa de Rosa (the presidential palace) with signs and pictures of their lost loved ones. They’ve been asking for answers since the military government was still in power. It’s a poignant symbol to remind us how near in the past this repression was.

As poignant the symbol is, the reality isn’t that exciting. While I appreciate the bravery that these women showed in the face of oppression and understand what they signify, I can only watch old women walk around in a circle for so long. Luckily it was about time for our tango class. After last night most of the women in my group and one boyfriend (Damon) who was less enthusiastic asked me to sign them up for a class. Once again, I think reality didn’t match expectation. As with salsa or any Latin dance, it takes a couple of weeks at least of lessons before it starts to get exciting. We spent most of the class shuffling behind the instructor learning the basic step. Finally towards the end he let us dance in couples and do a couple of basic moves, but nothing like the flurry of kicks and lifts like we had seen the night before.

That night I took my group, my Dad included, out for a steak. Argentina is world renown for its beef, especially in England, and they wanted a sample. Afterward we headed back out to Palermo where we once again had to play pool to kill couple hours before the clubs opened up. I lose to Claire again and have the added bonus of losing to my Dad. I’m in a slump.

Once again, by the time it’s time to go out we’re tired. Like I said a couple of days ago, B.A. takes some getting used to and we’re not there yet. Also about 400 grams of steak is sitting in the pit of our stomachs and making it difficult to want do anything. So we hop in a taxi back to the hotel. On the way the taxi driver starts going on about his bar. Apparently, he’s not usually a taxi driver, but a bar manager. He’s just filling in for his friend. He gives me his card and makes me promise to come see his bar the next night. As soon as I get out of the cab I forget and go to bed.

Thankfully nobody wakes me up in the middle of the night tonight.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Rude Awakening

Buenos Aires, Argentina

Ahhh, the joys of Buenos Aires. I love the quirky neighborhoods, the good nightlife, but most of all, the beautiful women. It’s very difficult to walk around Buenos Aires without either A. forgetting what you were going out for or B. getting run over and the hospitals are full of men with whiplash and lamppost related injuries.

That day was a work day, as my Dad was coming in the next morning and I wanted to have most things done before he arrived. I woke up fairly early and made my way to the internet place (on the way a Nissan clipped a fire hydrant on account of a long legged blond, and water was shooting 15 feet into the air). I took care of some of the more pertinent emails and wrote my itinerary for the next 3 weeks. In every major city, which are usually about 3 weeks apart, I give out itineraries describing in some detail the places and activities that are coming up.

Afterwards, I meant to go to the photocopy place to copy off an itinerary for each pax, but I got distracted and ended up near the neighborhood of Boca. Realizing where I was and the fact that I wasn’t in the safest neighborhood I hopped in a taxi to take me back to the city center. I eventually got my copies done and headed back to hotel narrowly missing a German tourist who went head over heels over a post box.

I decided that it was safer to work in the hotel and spent the afternoon macroing. That night I took my group to a tango show. The first time I watched a tango show I was dubious going into it, but the beauty of the music and passion of the dance rapidly won me over. It’s amazing how clearly art reflects culture and watching the tango you quickly get a sense of who the Argentineans are. Their sense of humor and zeal for life is obvious within the first few moments.

After the tango show we out in Palermo a funky little neighborhood in the North. As it was only midnight or so, we head to a pool hall for some pool. I think that this is the first night that Claire kicked my ass at pool. It started a bit of a rivalry for the next week or two.

By two o’clock in the morning when the clubs finally started to open, I decided that I had had enough and went back to the hotel to get some sleep. The last image I have from that Evening is Cath coming up to the Taxi and waving through the window wearing a police man’s cap.

4:30 am Kate, Naomi and Cath burst into my room in a panic. I can’t even understand what Kate and Naomi are saying, so I send them to their room. I find that Cath is bleeding from the chin and after a couple of minutes the story comes out. It turns out that after we left they continued on until about 3:30 when they came out into the plaza and started horsing around on the playground. Cath and Andy decided to use the teeter-totter and as Andy is a bit heavier she was a bit intoxicated she took a dive and landed on her chin. We spent the next hour and a half looking for an open hospital to give her stitches. In the end they just put some glue in there and sent us on our way. It’s a 24 hour a day job.

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

On to B.A.!

Buenos mother-fucking Aires, Argentina

Two long days of driving, but the pot of gold at the end of the journey is my favorite city in South America. Buenos Aires is hip, hot, cheap and full of beautiful women, good food and good fun. I’m a wee bit nervous this time as my Dad is going to join the trip in B.A. and be along all the way to Santiago. I haven’t seen him in over a year and a half and haven’t spent that much time with him besides the random dinner here and there since I was a kid. Luckily, I have a really chill group right now and I think that they’ll take him in.

Tonight we camp behind a gas station.

The next day we continue driving and get in to B.A in the early afternoon. After giving the group a chance to clean up, I give them my 50 cent tour of the downtown area. For the most part it’s a practical tour, pointing out the nearest ATM and laundry, but I also throw in a little historical perspective here and there.

That night we head out for our first in a series of steak dinners. A couple of them are ready to go out and rip up the town, as I’ve told them that B.A. offers the best nightlife in S.A. Unfortunately, it’s a Tuesday night and there’s not much going on outside the expensive nightclubs, but I take them down to Recoleta, a ritzier neighborhood and we have a few drinks. One thing about B.A. is that people don’t go out to dinner until at least 10 pm and don’t go out to the bars until at least 12 pm and to the clubs until at least 2 am. It takes a little getting used to.

Sunday, February 4, 2007

Super Bowl Sunday in Argentina

Puerto Iguazu, Argentina

We wake up early to go take in the falls. My head is a bit groggy and even though this is my last chance to take in the falls I decide that after we drop off the kids at the falls, I’ll go back and go to sleep. Coming along with us is the “tour guide” that we are now required to bring to the park. He costs 100 pesos, about 30 dollars, but does sweet fuck all. My last time through was the first time that we were required to use him and I thought that on the way he would be regaling the group with interesting little tidbits about the falls and the park. It turned out that he doesn’t even speak English and the whole thing is just a ruse for the government to make money. I wouldn’t use him, but apparently some guides have been hit with hefty fines when they didn’t use him. This time he doesn’t even come with us on the truck. He drives his own car out there behind us. When we get there I pay for the tickets and remind everybody what the tours are. Then as the truck drives off he comes up, collects his 100 pesos from my reluctant fist and helpfully reminds us to wear a hat as the sun is strong here…in Spanish.

Sons of Bitches

My anger perks me up as we enter the park, however, and I change my mind and decide to go see the falls after all. I join a couple of the pax on one of the optional excursions, the 4X4 and speed boat trip.

The first time I came through here I had sold it the way they explain it on their brochure and was like “It’s a crazy 4X4 trip through the mud down to the river and then we get on the speed boat and fly up through the rapids to the falls.” The problem was when it was time to get on the “4X4” it pulls up and it’s really just a large truck with an open back and seats in it. And it goes really slow through the “rainforest”, as a tour guide mumbles through a garbled microphone about the flora and fauna. Luckily, the boat trip makes it worth it. The river is high, so there aren’t really any rapids to shoot up through, but we do get a spectacular look at the falls. Once we’ve all taken all the photos that we need, the guides give us water tight bags to put our cameras, t-shirts and other valuables in. Then the real fun begins. The boat captain takes us right up and actually under the falls and tons and tons of mainly Brazilian rain water falls on our head, much to the squealing delight of the passengers. After a few more jaunts under more of the various falls we get dropped off at one of the numerous boardwalks, feeling momentarily refreshed in the stifling humidity.

After having a bite to eat, we walk around on the boardwalks that let us walk right over the calm, almost lazy river before it plummets over the edge into violent collision. Later we decide to take the train out to where a long boardwalk will give us a close up look of what is ominously called the Devil’s Mouth. The small cramped train is made worse by the humidity and mosquitoes, but the only other time I had been in the park it had been closed, so I was determined to take it to see what the fuss was all about. After the uncomfortable train, we are treated to a kilometer walk along the crowded boardwalk, which is made worse by my growing hangover and ensuing grumpiness. As we get closer, however, my grumpiness recedes and my wonder grows. At this point the river is about a kilometer and a half wide and in the middle of all this is V shaped crack that much of the river just disappears into. As I get closer and I able to see where it’s all going my wonder grows. The boardwalk brings us right up to the edge and I’m able to look down into the dizzying fury and my face becomes damp.

On the train back, my wonder turns black as I end up sitting next to an older American couple and another American kid who happened to be born in Argentina. Listening to them prattle on and on about how the problem with the people in South America is just their general laziness and if they would just work a little bit harder like Americans they would be all right. Just a little bit of elbow grease is all they need. Then the kid comes the startling revelation that China is going to be the next world power. I decide then and there that if they ask my opinion I’m just going to say, “No hablo ingles.” Eventually, I hope that Americans will learn that we aren’t the center of the universe. I think most know that intellectually, but it would probably take some apocalyptic event for them to actually know it in their hearts.

That night I watch the Super Bowl with a bunch of English and Aussies. By the fourth quarter I’m watching by myself. Maybe there is something to be said for Americans.

Saturday, February 3, 2007

Border Crossing


Puerto Iguazu, Argentina

After a nice sleep in, we cross the border into Argentina. I’m not a fan of borders, but at least this

View of the falls from the Argy side


one is clean, without the usual nasty border town to accompany it. The only hold up is on the Brazilian side where they take about 2 hours to pass the truck through. The customs official, not normally known for his speedy service, was now training a new official in the art of chatting on the phone, taking lengthy cigarette breaks and generally doing anything but working on our paperwork. As they bumbled around with the truck paperwork, the rest of us basked in the hot sun and our pre-carnaval hangovers.

When we finally made it across the border, we went into the small town of Puerto Iguazu to do shopping for lunch and that night’s dinner. Though the supermarket selection is paltry at best, we’re able to find ingredients for the requisite Argentinean steak dinner.

When we reach the campground we set up camp, eat lunch and then immediately jump into the pool to escape the heat and humidity. After dinner a couple of us, including Steve, Andy, Leigh, Martin and Claire decide to go out on the town. Since I’ve never been out in Puerto Iguazu and this is my last visit, I decide to go. Our first stop is the big hostel next door. It turns out that they’re having their own pre-carnaval party, but at this one they only have a drummer/emcee and a couple of dancing girls. The girls were wearing their obligatory scanty samba outfit and doing the mandatory shaking of the ass dancing, but it seemed a little embarrassing for some reason. Where in Brazil it seems natural and platonic, here I found it a little seedy. They, of course, pulled some gringos up on stage to prove how deficient we are in natural rhythm, but there was a lot more grinding, rubbing and gawking then there would be in Brazil and half the time in Brazil the girls are topless. I don’t know. It was just weird.

From the hostel we lose Steve, Andy and Claire, but Martin, Leigh and I decide to continue on into town anyway. In Argentina, like the Mediterranean, people don’t dine until 10 or 11pm or go out until at least 1:30 or 2 am. This is a little awkward for gringos who eat dinner at 8 pm, as it’s often hard to keep people’s attention in the 5 hour interim between dinner and dancing. We make in though and dance until 4 am or so.

Friday, February 2, 2007

Race Night in Foz


Foz Iguacu, Brazil

Today was supposed to be kind of my day off. Not a real day off, mind you, there are still incessant

The Devil's Throat

questions and usual dramas to sort out, but I didn’t have much to do and I had planned to spend most of the day next to the pool. Unfortunately, like most days I think that I’ll have off, something came up. Leigh, Kate and Naomi all found that they had lost their entry visas that they were given when they entered the country.

So to get them new entry visas we had to go to the federal building, wait in line and then wait for them to print up new ones, which took forever and then we had to go to the bank, wait in line and pay for the new visas. The whole thing took about 4 hours and cost them 165 reals or about 80 dollars. Eventually, we did get back to the hostel and I did have most of the afternoon to hang out in the sun.

That night was race night. Nearby, in town, is an excellent outdoor race track. Usually, we split the pax up into teams and have 3 different races or so and have individual competitions as well as team competitions. This keeps everybody interested even when they aren’t racing. This time, however, we only had about 8 racers and so we just had one race.

One of the racers is one of my fellow tour guides, Andy. Though Andy is his real name, everybody just calls him Mr. Bean. Mr. Bean is one of the nicest guys in the world, but is also one of those hapless individuals who always seem to get themselves into a mess. You want a reality show, just follow this guy around for a couple of weeks and you’ll get pure comedy. For example, one day he is mucking around in one of the self locking lockers on his truck, but when he goes to shut it somehow he ends up locking his keys in the locker…with them still attached to the cord around his neck. Don’t ask me how he did it, but now so much of the cord is locked in the locker that he can’t move. He ends up having to sit there for over 20 minutes, practically hanging himself, until his driver happens to walk by to open the locker for him. So putting that kind of karma into the seat of a large and very fast go-kart was probably not a noble prize winning idea. But the kid wants to go, so what are you going to do. They even gave him the fastest (what was the fastest) cart in the park. Mr. Bean strikes again. On the first lap he manages to hit the straightaway concrete wall so hard that he not only breaks the cart but puts a large hole in the wall. Brilliant. Funny side note: because he is the way he is, he seems to get a lot of people who try to rob him. Unfortunately for the crooks, he happens to have a black belt in Tae Kwon Do and he ends up kicking the crap out of them. What a character.

Due to the fact that I had a fast cart and had raced on the track about 15 times more than anybody else, I won. It did feel good to beat Steve who had beat me last time and is a professional driver, after all.

After the go carting, we headed back to the hostel where there was a pre-carnaval party happening. In the last couple of days, with all the trucks around who are going into Canaval, it’s been a bit of a sore spot that we’re the only ones not going in. Anyway, we dance to the samba band, drink capirinhas and enjoy ourselves just the same.

Capirinha – (Kyp-er-een-ya) The Brazilian drink of choice. Made with Cachasa, a sugar cane alcohol, lime and sugar. I’m not a big fan.

Earlier in the afternoon, we had a vote to see if they wanted to stay another day. It’s only a short drive over the border to Puerto Iguazu, Argentina and we could easily wait until the next day to do it. The vote fails and it’s decided that we’ll leave the next day. Though more than a few change their mind, it’s set.

Thursday, February 1, 2007

Sons of Bitches


Foz Iguacu, Brazil

We got up fairly early today because we had a long day in front of us. We piled everybody into the

View Iguazu falls from the Brazilian side


truck and took off down into town. While the pax visited Itapu Dam, the biggest hydroelectric damn in the world and the tour is free making it the best damn tour around (haha, I love dam jokes), I did the shopping for lunch and sent off a couple of emails. Once the pax had finished the dam tour the truck picked me up and we headed off for the falls.

Outside the national park they have a helicopter that does tours over the falls. As a tour guide you never pay for tours. That’s just the rule. But these guys somehow screw me every time. They always say that I can do it, but at the last second find that they don’t have room. The first time that I was here I could have done it, but as I was coming back I let my driver do it. This time I had 7 pax who wanted to do it and the helicopter can hold 4 at a time, so I thought that I was in there. The woman running the reservations said `Yeah, no problem, you can go, not with your pax, but with the people in line behind them.’ So I wait and Steve waits for me for an hour and a half and just at the last second a single woman walks up out of nowhere and takes my place.

Sons of Bitches.

Steve and I then jumped in the truck and decided to visit the other campground in town. Over the next couple of days something like 7 or 8 trucks are coming through town on their way to Carnaval. We eventually find our friend Sarah who is another tour guide and actually one of my ex-passengers. She had such a good time on the trip that she signed up to be a tour guide. We grab her and a couple of other tour guides and drivers, head back to our campground and spend the afternoon hanging out around the pool. I would have loved to have just stayed there for the night, but we had reserved seats for what’s called the refrain show. This show is kind of a cheesy dance show that supposedly showcases different dances from all around S.A. The best part of it for me, besides the samba girls in their scanty outfits, is the food. It’s a huge buffet with every different type of meat, pasta and seafood that you can think of. The other cool thing is this is basically the one chance that the pax have to see capoiera. Capoiera is a Brazilian martial art brought by the slaves from Africa that turned into a dance when it was outlawed. It involves a lot of flipping, twisting and kicking and is spectacular to watch.

After the show that night we make merry around the pool with all the other guides and passengers.